The darkness within
Today, my heart aches for my closest friend who now has to confront the reality of a brain tumour. A nightmare we hoped to dismiss, a possibility so remote that it seemed more like a cruel fiction than a probability. Yet, the diagnosis is here, making irrefutable sense of the symptoms that have haunted her. Even her GP, a couple of months ago, had waved away the thought as an unlikely spectre. But here we are.
She’s not coping well, and who could blame her? Her mind is a turbulent sea of fear, anxiety, confusion, and an innumerable array of emotions that I can only attempt to comprehend. A maelstrom of feelings that I, on the outside looking in, can only hope to grasp. Her sharp words of frustration are a reminder – it is her battle, her pain.
She’s navigating a torturous labyrinth of physical afflictions – constant pain, visual auras, hallucinations, relentless sickness – all compounded by an already burdensome mental illness. I find myself attempting to venture into the recesses of her mind, trying to fathom the depth of her torment. It feels like trying to perceive the entire ocean from its surface.
What is it like inside her head right now? A whirlwind of terror and uncertainty, of raw, unfiltered emotions cascading like an avalanche, threatening to engulf her at every moment. Fear rears its monstrous head, gnawing at her composure, her resilience. Anger seethes, an understandable rebellion against the injustice of her plight. Frustration pulses, an exasperated cry against the impotence of her situation.
The diagnosis has introduced a new layer of complexity to her struggle, a beast she must now confront amidst the fray. I stand by, a spectator to her battle, armed only with empathy and the desperate desire to alleviate her suffering.
She’s terrified. The fear bubbles to the surface in her moments of anger and frustration, manifesting itself as a fiery defence mechanism against the chilling dread that lurks beneath. It’s a fear that I must remember, must understand, when her frustrations spill over.
How does one even begin to process such an ordeal? All I can do is to be there for her, to lend a listening ear, a comforting word. To remember that beneath the anger and the fear, lies a woman battling against odds that would daunt the bravest of us.
I can’t truly know what it’s like, I can’t take away her pain or fear, but I can walk beside her in this daunting journey, offering my understanding, my patience, my support. I can be the steady rock amidst her turbulent sea, a constant reminder that she is not alone. That, in the face of her terrifying reality, is the least – and the most – I can do.
Leave a Comment