Why I Won’t Drink the Apple Kool-Aid
Ah, Apple. The darling of tech enthusiasts who wear their devices like fashion statements. The brand that turned “Think Different” into “Think Expensive” and somehow convinced an entire generation that carrying a charger for your laptop and your dongle collection is peak sophistication. Let me be clear: Apple makes brilliant products – for people who value simplicity, aesthetics, and being part of a high-tech country club.
For me? Apple is about as appealing as a soggy biscuit. Let’s break it down logically…
1. Apple Pricing: Champagne Tech on a Cider Budget
Apple’s pricing strategy is a work of modern art: they don’t sell products; they sell aspirations. Want to edit a Google Doc? That’ll be £1,500 for the MacBook Air, plus £99 for the Magic Mouse, which doesn’t even have a right-click button. Don’t forget £30 for the USB-C to “Why-Didn’t-They-Include-This” adapter. And if you’re brave enough to ask for a Pro model, Apple will happily charge you as much as a small car.
Apple users like to say, “You get what you pay for.” Sure – if what you’re paying for is a shiny aluminium case and the privilege of upgrading again in two years because Apple’s battery mysteriously loses 40% of its capacity. Meanwhile, my scrappy Windows laptop is still running strong after I replaced the battery myself – and cost me less than the price of a spare iPhone charger.
2. The Walled Garden: Where Simplicity Traps You
Apple’s ecosystem is designed for maximum convenience… provided you never stray. It’s a bit like joining a posh gym that locks the doors behind you. Yes, iPhones talk to MacBooks talk to Apple Watches like some kind of tech polycule, but try adding an Android device into the mix, and you might as well be smuggling a Nokia 3310 into a dinner party at Buckingham Palace.
This is where the cult-like behaviour kicks in. Apple users will defend this exclusivity to the death. “But iMessage is so much better than SMS,” they say, clutching their phones like rosaries. Yes, Karen, but not everyone wants to spend £1,200 to be in your blue bubble gang. For the rest of us, WhatsApp exists – a free app that works on everything from a Galaxy Fold to your uncle’s iPad Mini circa 2013.
3. Cult of Apple: The American Obsession
Let’s talk about the US, where Apple products are practically a citizenship requirement. In some parts of America, walking into a coffee shop with a Windows laptop is akin to admitting you’re a flat-Earther. You’ll be shunned, mocked, and, if the Wi-Fi password is AirDropped, permanently disconnected.
Why the fanaticism? Maybe it’s because Apple’s ecosystem is easier to understand than taxes. Or perhaps they’re compensating for the cognitive dissonance of spending three mortgage payments on a phone with fewer features than a mid-range Android. Either way, the cultural pressure to conform is immense. Imagine living in a world where your phone choice determines your social standing. Actually, you don’t have to imagine – just ask any US college student trying to date with green bubbles.
4. Repairability: Designed to Fail (Your Wallet)
Let’s play a game: I’ll give you £1,000, and you can either buy a new MacBook or repair your old one. Spoiler alert: It’s the same price. Apple’s refusal to make their devices user-repairable is infuriating and feels downright sinister. Want to replace the battery? That’ll be £200 and an appointment at the Genius Bar, where someone named Kyle will diagnose your “logic board” issue (translation: a mild scratch) and suggest you upgrade instead.
Apple claims this approach is about protecting their design integrity. I think it’s about protecting their profit margins. My DIY PC build, on the other hand, is a Frankenstein’s monster of easily replaceable parts, and it runs faster than a MacBook on a triple espresso.
5. The Aesthetic Obsession: Minimalism at Maximum Cost
Apple products are undeniably beautiful, but at what cost? Take the MacBook Pro: it’s a slab of precision-engineered aluminium with a keyboard so shallow you’ll wonder if you’re typing or just tickling it. And then there’s the ports – or rather, the lack of them. No USB-A, no HDMI, no SD card slot. It’s like Apple designed a device specifically to make you feel like you’re living in 2035, even if you’re just trying to plug in a flash drive from 2020.
Apple users argue, “But dongles give you options!” No, dongles give you clutter. They’re the tech equivalent of that drawer in your kitchen where miscellaneous chargers and orphaned batteries go to die.
6. Simplicity: The Mask for Stagnation
Apple thrives on simplicity, which is a polite way of saying they dumb things down. macOS hides essential system tools behind so many layers of abstraction that troubleshooting becomes a nightmare. And iOS? It’s like living in a Fisher-Price version of a proper operating system. Everything is sandboxed, locked down, and designed to prevent you from doing anything remotely clever.
By contrast, Linux is a playground for nerds who like solving puzzles, and Windows offers versatility for everyone from gamers to programmers. Yes, they’re messier systems, but they don’t treat you like an idiot who needs their hand held while moving a file from one folder to another.
7. Why the Cult Gets Defensive
Apple users aren’t just loyal; they’re evangelists. Criticise an iPhone in public, and you’ll witness a level of indignation usually reserved for religious debates or pineapple on pizza. “But it just works!” they’ll say. Does it, though? The countless threads on Reddit about MacBooks overheating or iPhones randomly restarting suggest otherwise.
What they really mean is: “It works for me, and I’ve spent so much money on this ecosystem that admitting its flaws would hurt my soul and my wallet.” It’s Stockholm Syndrome with a side of AirPods.
Why I’ll Stick to Logic
Apple products are undeniably impressive – for the right user. If you’re someone who values design, simplicity, and being part of the in-crowd, they’re worth considering. But for me, a programmer who values performance, customisation, and a good laugh at the absurdities of tech culture, Apple is a poor fit.
I’m happy with my messy, upgradeable, third-party-friendly ecosystem. It might not be as shiny or as exclusive, but it’s logical, functional, and mine. And that, dear reader, is worth more than any Apple logo.
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