Parent-washing
There’s a peculiar phenomenon in modern media that never fails to make me snort-laugh into my tea: the gratuitous insertion of someone’s parental status into headlines, no matter how irrelevant. “Grandmother Discovers Ancient Roman Coin in Backyard!” “Father of Two Convicted of Drink Driving!” And let’s not forget the crowd-pleaser, “Mother of Three Wins Bake-Off After Storming Out of Book Club!” It’s as though parenting is the ultimate plot twist, the spice that headlines need to keep us hooked.
Now, as a child-free human (a status I never see in headlines, mind you), I find this rampant parent-washing both baffling and mildly irritating. Does the coin get shinier because a grandmother unearthed it? Does the DUI become more scandalous because a father was behind the wheel? I don’t recall parenthood being listed as a narrative device in journalism school, but here we are.
Why Does the Media Keep Doing This?
It’s as though editors believe parenthood adds some magical layer of gravitas or relatability to every story. “Yes, Bob got arrested for stealing a pack of biscuits, but he’s a father of four, so clearly, we need to know more about his journey.” The subtext seems to whisper that parents are somehow more deserving of our attention, sympathy, or outrage. It’s the ultimate narrative cheat code.
But let’s be real: nobody reads a headline about a lottery winner and goes, “Oh, they’re a parent? Well, that changes everything. I was indifferent before, but now I’m deeply invested in their fiscal decisions.”
Parenthood as a Universal Emotional Lever
The cynic in me suspects this is less about storytelling and more about marketing. Parenthood is a universal experience—if you’re not a parent, you probably know one (and if you don’t, enjoy the quiet). So, slapping “grandmother” or “dad” into a headline is a surefire way to tap into that “awww” or “oh no” reflex. It’s emotional manipulation at its finest.
Think about it: “Woman Finds Rare Coin” sounds mildly interesting. “Grandmother Finds Rare Coin” becomes heartwarming. “Grandmother Finds Rare Coin While Baking Biscuits for Her Adoring Grandchildren” might just land the writer a Pulitzer. Forget the story itself; it’s all about sprinkling in that wholesome family narrative.
The Parent-Privilege Hierarchy
There’s also a whiff of societal bias here, as if being a parent is the ultimate badge of honour. Headlines rarely say, “Man with Excellent Cactus Collection Wins Nobel Prize” or “Woman Who Regularly Volunteers for Charity Discovers Dinosaur Fossil.” Nope, the spotlight is reserved for the breeders. Parenting is framed as the defining characteristic of a person’s existence, trumping all other achievements.
And yet, imagine if we flipped the script. Picture the glorious absurdity of these headlines:
- “Child-Free Woman Lands Plane During Emergency (While Not Thinking About Children)”
- “Man with No Kids Discovers Cure for Insomnia”
- “Guy Who Just Really Likes Dogs Wins Local Marathon”
Suddenly, the world feels fairer, doesn’t it?
The Case for Irrelevant Irrelevance
Now, don’t get me wrong—parenthood is a wonderful, life-changing experience (or so I hear). But it doesn’t belong in every headline. The number of children you’ve produced is not a narrative arc; it’s a background detail, like eye colour or a weird middle name. Yes, it’s lovely if Grandma discovered the coin between knitting sessions, but the coin itself should really be the star of the show.
Because here’s the thing: headlines shape how we see people. When the media constantly filters stories through the lens of parenthood, it reinforces the idea that this one role is the most significant thing about a person. That’s unfair to parents, grandparents, child-free folks, and everyone in between. People are complex, multi-dimensional creatures, not just walking incubators or sperm donors with hobbies.
Let’s Cut the Parent-washing
So, here’s a revolutionary idea: let’s judge stories by their actual merit. If a grandmother does something amazing, cool! But let’s not pretend the “grandmother” bit is what makes it amazing. Let’s celebrate people for who they are and what they do, not just the fact that they reproduced at some point.
In the meantime, I’ll be here, waiting for the day when I can read a headline about a “Child-Free Nerd Writes Blog Post” and not feel like I need to start my own family just to be headline-worthy.
Leave a Comment